So, the inconsistencies continue to pile up and I find myself procrastinating now in the summertime with a belly full of baby and a new kind of lease on life now that my full-time job has been released from my list of responsibilities.
But there seem to be four distinct components of existence that rise to meet me on a regular basis, and finding some way of balancing these four elements would make my daily "up-and-get-at-it," dance much easier.
The four components are as follows:
Family life and health
This is an intricate dance, how to balance health (with a chronic illness, this is no easy feat,) and the daily requirements of being a wife, a mother, and in the process of creating a human being from the food I eat. It seems to me that finding that "village" to help raise our home, our child, our dog, would take me in the right direction for this kind of balance.
Intellectual and Academic
When I found out that my position with the company I had grown to love would no longer be continued beyond the end of my contract, I needed to find something that would help me feel less worthless. I performed wonderfully within the company, but as usual, the health issues seemed to be an insurmountable obstacle for my employer and they were relieved not to renew that contract. But there is so much more I could do with my brain, I thought. . . even a rapidly deteriorating brain being eaten up by pregnancy hormones deserves more exercise than my son, Rune could offer with his sagas of trains on hills and random sticks and pebble stories. So I decided to pick up where I left off, and start taking a few classes at a time to work toward changing my degree from something very artsy to something a little less so. I'll let you know how it goes, but for now, it's a challenge, and a welcome one.
Artistic and Creative
How do I fit this in? How do I remember to make time for those things that I've pursued my entire life? Make it an obligation. With the advent of my new show, Counterpoint, I find myself being inspired and elated through the music of new, contemporary artists that are creating beautiful art all around me. And through sharing this, I am gifted with the responsibility of informing those few wondrous people who manage to listen to my show on what is happening and how great this wondrous world of music can be. Personally, I'm simmering, and the moment the opportunity arises to start to create my own music again, I'll be more than ready.
The thing about having an erratic chronic illness is this. No one wants to keep you on board. You can outshine everyone for a few weeks, but the moment your system fails, you fall behind, and the retaliation on your professional life is almost impossible to recover from. Most of my employers are so "sympathetic," and "accepting," but when push comes to shove, I'm unreliable. I can't rely on my own body to function normally from one week to the next, so how can a company rely on my performance? How do I work with this? It looks more and more like an independant career path is the only one open to me. In the end, I should have just stuck to the art, but having gained insight on global business operations, and learned from astonishingly innovative companies has given me the drive and the skills I need to use my creativity productively. Now it's time to hope that some clients can feel the same way once I manage to confirm a few to my roster. See my professional page at go.selinachiarelli.com for the details.
That about does the rant for today. . . let's hope for more consistency in all of these categories, including the one that allows me to write in this blog regularly. Until the next update, here is my most recent inspiration in the music world. This song is so beautiful, it makes my eyes tear up. Then I run to my room and sing exquisite songs to my walls to make me feel better. Maybe I'll take the show outside someday soon.